Inner fire! My two personal experiences
- chrgm1
- 50 minutes ago
- 9 min read
My two experiences of real inner fire
I write "real" because I am not talking about fire in an abstract mental way. I am talking about feeling warm from the inside out and having actual burning hot areas on my body. For me this is no minor experience because I have felt cold all my life. As long as I can remember I have had cold hands and feet, felt cold during winter and whenever something would stress me it would get much stronger and stay like that.
If you know Wim Hof "The Iceman" you have heard him talk about "inner fire". Dr. Jack Kruse also talks about our innate ability to cold adapt and lives it himself. To me this was a very abstract thing until last year. Even though I have used cold water therapy for many years I never got to a point where my internal heating system really turned on. Following nature's design of light, water and magnetism, living seasonally and embracing cold improved my health and energy tremendously, inlcuding my cold sensitivity, but the inner fire remained a mystery. This changed last year when I came in contact with some indonesian mushrooms and later a deaf hypnotist called Matt Hudson. I will now describe these two experiences.
Turning blue to orange while laughing maniacally
Last year my partner Madelyn and I were travelling Indonesia. She had wanted to try psychedelic mushrooms for a while and asked me to join. I had considered trying it myself before so why not. She found a well-reviewed little spot on the beach on the island Gili Trawangan. It was around sunset time when we arrived and asked about the process and the very friendly local woman explained that she would make a pinnaple shake for us to share.
We were basicly alone on some beach chairs where we drank our magic smoothie while the stars started showing themselves. The woman was very friendly and caring (and later worried haha). She explained to us that some people start of with nausea but that it usually goes away. It did go away for me eventually but not before looking like I was almost dying first and freaking the woman and Madelyn out.
So we drank the stuff and started the waiting process while chatting and laughing. I was joking that maybe I would just throw up and go to bed early. The first thing I noticed was the nausea and one of my legs starting to twitch. Slowly the visual distortions started and for Madelyn, who loves colours, this was the primary part of her "trip".. feeling euphoric and experiencing a firework show of colours. No negative reactions.
Me on the other hand I started getting colder and colder and hypersensitive to the point that I could not handle anything touching me even lightly. My skin became super hypoxic (lack of oxygen) and I was just lying in fetal position while also having some visual distortions. The breeze that was blowing felt freezing. During this phase Madelyn said that I, or my aura or whatever she saw, looked icy blue around my body and green around my head. Madelyn and especially the local woman started to get worried and told me that maybe it was better if I forced myself to throw up. She looked even more confused when I started laughing while increasingly looking like a twitching drowning accident.
Here I will interject my own story to elaborate on my own reaction. In 2019 I had a very special and profound experience that happened in Bacalar, Mexico during an isolated sunrise. I mention it in My Story. Because of that a long internal journey began and now not much, even a mushroom trip, changes my baseline of consciousness. Also I know my body very well and so I was not afraid of it, more fascinated. I remember whispering to Madelyn's worried face next to me something like "nobody understands my body" while laughing.
Something told me I should not throw up but just wait and holy cow was that a good decision. After what seemed an eternity lying in fetal position freezing and twitching, while Madelyn was dancing around on the beach when not looking after me, I remember my throat muscles starting to feel funny and active. Slowly I began to notice that I did not feel so cold anymore.
I then felt stuff was happening in my lower legs and when I touched the upper and outer part of my lower legs (just underneath caput fibula for the anatomy nerds) I felt that this area was burning hot. Next I noticed that my palms and soles of my feet were also turning on fire. I remember sitting up at the end of the beach bed and calling Madelyn. I asked her to touch my lower legs and feel my hands to tell me if I was imagining all this and to her surprise she agreed that I was flaming hot. Later she said that I was now glowing a bright strong orange.
As this continued I remember feeling an incredible sense of calm and warmness from the inside while on the outside the fire was jumping around to different patches of my skin. While I also had visual stuff happening what stood out to me was the sensation of the sand under my feet and in general the kinesthetic experience of it all. My inner fire kept burning for at least a couple hours more until we eventually walked back and went to sleep. I remember thinking to myself in the bed that "this is how true power feels like".
What an evening, eh? I will never forget it or the size of Madelyn's pupils on that beach :) Next time I would experience this fire was after almost passing out on a chair...
From cold in the chair to burning in the bed
After reading a lot of Matt Hudson's books and scientific articles I started testing it out myself on clients while studying a lot about the subconscious mind and brainwashing from different sources. I was also researching how his impressive results and approach might be connected with my normal way of working in the clinic using the wonderful method called "Proprioceptive - Deep Tendon Reflex" (P-DTR) by my amigo Dr. Jose Palomar and the empowering book by Cathy O'Brien called "PTSD: Time to heal". If you are curious about DIY deprogramming click NEED HELP?
As time passed I got very interested in joining one of Matt's courses to meet him and experience his mind magic live. After growing up on poisonous franken-food (chocopops), my parents early divorce, a fearful mother, a "functionally" alcoholic professor-dad and a very big medical ACE (Adverse Childhood Experience) I have carried my own share of protective patterns, stress and dis-ease. Through my own inner journey, and teaching at the danish physio school where over half the students in each class came with their own surgeries or accidents, I realized that subconsciously many of us health professionals are really looking to help ourselves - at least in the beginning.
In october last year the timing was finally right for me to meet Matt in Durham, England and it was a very special experience for different reasons. After a fascinating course where I saw one participant after another getting very hot in the chair next to Matt I told him about how unfamiliar that response was to me because any stressor would always turn my body ice cold. At the last day I asked him to help me with something related with my childhood ACE and so my turn on the chair arrived.
I do not recall all details from the chair but I remember being ice cold immediately. I gave minimum details to the group and only because I felt like it. That is the truly amazing part when working with EMI's (Emotional Memory Images) and the Split Second Unlearning approach. You do not need to share your "story" or any personal details because it is focused on the non-verbal language and stress signature of the client. Learn more about it from my perspective here. I had plenty of non-verbals because my jaw was shaking, my breath was locked and as he started working with me I could feel my vision getting blurry. I was getting very closed to fainting which has happened in the past within this specific context.
Sometime during this session with Matt I remember laughing like I did on the beach, and for the same reason, while the spectators looked horrified. At one point Matt called me "quite a fearless chap" which I have to comment on is not true haha. I have lived with an enormous amount of fear running constantly in the background but practicing martial arts for many years ,and for whatever other reasons, I just learned to live and act despite of it. After some saltwater in my eyes and funny image manipulation by Matt my system slowly calmed down.
At the end Matt was chatting and chatting (he is very good at that!) and I remember thinking "are we done or what? Why does he keep bla bla'ing". At this point I was also pretty saturated with the whole thing after 5 intensive days haha. Soon after I started getting a tingling and buzzing sensation in my hands and then feet. I think I said "holy shit" and felt the need to shake my hands a lot and then my feet. I looked at him with a grin and said "Is this what you were waiting for?" ("you sneaky bastard" I added for myself). He answered something like "Yes, the release. This was really locked in my friend". That is the truth and writing this right now brings back some saltwater of the releasing kind.
I think I have had a deficit of writing because this blog is already longer than I expected it to be, so if you are still reading, thank you for the interest! What happened after I wrote in the group and is just copy and pasted below.
Hola amigos, here is a quick summary of "my vehicle's" reaction after sitting next to the mind guy for a bit.
After the course I walked around Durham for about an hour without getting cold feet. Most of my body, but especially my lower legs and feet, were buzzing until late the next day. I had to go to the toilet (sitting) two times before bed which is very unusual for me. I also got a rollercoaster ride through much of the emotional spectrum. I woke up very early with different areas of my body being on fire, and this has continued at some point during the day or night until yesterday. Fascinating to both me and my partner!
Something not so pleasant also happened. Before I went to bed after the course I started hearing myself very sad and wanting help and I kept seeing the doctor on my right side near my knee with a giant needle next to an ultrasound machine. This stayed and in the bus the next morning, which was a bit stressful, my right leg (only) started getting very cold and I felt the fainting sensation creeping up but I managed to pull myself out of it.
The next day at my mother's place I was still trying to mindhack myself in the background but when I told her the story and "the release" part my eyes were suddenly swimming in salt water and I felt a stone drop from my chest. Soon after in the supermarket both my calves felt like spaghetti in a very good way.
My feeling is that I definitely had a shift but I managed to "hide" some of it but hopefully I let it go at my mom's place. I have no doubt that I have had a wonderful shift/shifts (thank you very much !) but I am still not entirely sure that all the pieces are cleared. I also feel some fear of testing it all again or believe in a total success. I am very curious to see/feel myself in a couple of weeks.
To wrap it up I needed a follow up within the same context later. Turning cold is still my systems preferred stress response but it is not as permament anymore and I have even had glimpes of the mysterious "turning hot" sensation! I have no doubt that I have much less tension in my connective tissue (fascia) and a future as a cold-adapted human like Wim Hof seems much more realistic for me now. Most valuable to me is that I now know that my inner fire is really there as a very real ability. Whether I will pursue that I cannot promise since I am a big fan of palm trees and frying under the healer in the sky :)
Thanks to Matt, Madelyn, the group and you for reading this.
If you find it valuable please share it!
Hugs and knucklez
Christian
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